my everything.

Just a few days back, a car almost knocked into my husband and me on the road. My husband as usual, at his 80km/h speed on the centre lane and this Mercedes car, out of nowhere, swerved into our lane and then sped for what seemed to be 110km/h? My husband then chased after him.

Macam Singapore’s Fast and Furious eh? Okay la tak la actually, hahaha.

Amazingly, that rugged, small bike of his could catch up with the car! I think it’s our luck also because the car stopped at a bus stop to let one of the passengers alight. 

“Turun sekarang, sayang,” my husband said. I alighted obediently sebab once the husband gets mad, he is definitely mad.

He walked to the car driver’s side and from where I stood, I could see the driver putting both his hands together, as if to apologise for swerving into our lane and almost hitting us. My husband started shouting at him (which caused quite a commotion and a pull of crowd out of the blue), “You know how to drive a fucking car or not?! My wife is pregnant! Are you going to be responsible if anything happens to her?!” 

And I swear, my husband was inches away from punching his face. But fortunately, the car driver sped off immediately after that. If he hadnt, masuk jail agaknya laki aku.

I know some are going to tell me to stop riding with him after this ordeal but honestly, this is our only mode of transport. We can take a cab everywhere but it’ll be costly. Nak beli kereta jangan cakap la. We havent even applied for a house yet. 

And this topic is going to lead to our financial status, which I am going to be transparent about. Just a few days back, a friend of mine commented….

“Eh why most of the things for your first baby from Carousell? First baby must buy new things!” 

Sakitnya tuh di sini di dalam hatiku k. 

Cos frankly la, to each its own kan? Not everyone earns the same pay monthly. Just because I work as a civil servant doesnt mean I earn a lot. My husband has to work two jobs after finding out I was pregnant cos he really wanted us to have enough – so that the three of us will be able to live comfortably in the future. On top of that, he is still studying part-time and that would require the fees.

It kills me sometimes when people give me the impression that the first child doesnt deserve second-hand things or hand-me-downs from others and that I am a bad mother for not buying brand new things for my child. I find nothing wrong in letting my child use the abovementioned cos ultimately, personally I believe that my child’s upbringing is the most important of all.

But nehmind, all the more this is going to spur me to become a good mother to my child, regardless of what others might say.

Wah suddenly tonight emo eh? Monday blues la.


baby’s 36 weeks.


I am weeks away from giving birth to Baby K. In the first and second trimester, my mind was occupied with thoughts such as, “Will I be a good mother? Will we be good parents? Will our daughter love us?” 

Now with just weeks to go, I am thinking, “Sakit ke tk baby keluar dari birth canal? Injecting epidural painful? How painful is the stitching? Will I feel the doctor stitching my you-know-what?”

Then I would shudder and think of happier thoughts, hahah. Ah, human nature to prepare themselves for the worst, I suppose.

Baby K, if ever you’re reading this in the future, I just want you to know that you’re greatly loved by everyone even before you’re born 🙂


baby’s 35 weeks.

At 35 weeks, we finally came up with a name for baby. Nothing too fancy and something easy to pronounce. So that’s one thing checked off the list! 

Although I must warn future mums and dads, if you have a name planned, keep it between you and your other half. I kind of regretted telling my mother the name we had chosen (just one half of it) because after that she went wide-eyed and said that it sounded like my aunt’s cat’s name -.-Honestly speaking, pay no attention to what others might say because ultimately it’s your child and most importantly, your and your other half have decided on it together. I just ignored because the name we had chosen had a nice ring to it and sounded like music to our ears ❤

I really wonder, how can someone I havent met bring me so much joy and glee every day even when my day isnt going well? I take this as true love 🙂


baby’s 34 weeks.

People around me are like counting down to the day for me. Many would ask, “How many months?” and then they go, “Eh next month coming out!” Hahaha. Frankly I really feel like I am not fully prepared. I havent really decided on an official date to start maternity leave and am only starting to prepare the stuff needed for Term 4 when I am not going to be in school.

Hospital bag packed? Nope. Haiyo!

But honestly, being 34 weeks pregnant has made me extra emotional recently. For instance, I was peeved when my husband mentioned that he’ll be working on Friday, Saturday and Monday during the long weekend. I think I just kept quiet after he told me that and he realised it almost immediately.

“Okay sayang. Come let’s talk. Out of the 4 days, which days do you want me not to work? I will plan according to you k?” he said.

I think right after that I came to my senses and looked at this man who was willing to make changes to his schedule to accommodate my wants (and my feelings). After that I thought to myself, why was I upset about him working? It wasnt as if he was going out gallivanting with his friends. It wasnt as if he was going to work for the whole 4 days straight. If we were to go out during that long weekend, it’s going to be crowded everywhere and with my condition right now, crowded places and a lot of walking is not a good combination 😡

So I touched both his cheeks (like cerita Hindustan eh) and told him, “It’s okay you can go to work on the planned days. I stay home with baby,” and touched my tummy, hahaha. 

I am still learning not to take things for granted since of late, I’ve heard of other people’s other halves passing on and they are still grieving and are in the healing process. Here I am, with my husband in front of me and I am feeling upset over small, trivial matters. 

In Shaa Allah these are all due to pregnancy hormones. I hope I’ll be a  more composed hunan being after I become a mother.

Anyway, emo things aside, last night I went on a shopping spree, dressed in my pajamas with both swollen feet propped up on two pillows. No place other than Carousell!

I spent $150 on all these, and the seller threw in freebies seeing how rabak I’ve shopped with her hahahah.

Please eh, got matching hat with a matching top! Excited!

Considering that I have not spent on any of baby’s clothing and are hoping for more to come from my aunt and my colleague (#mamaonabudget), $150 not bad right? Deliver at the doorstep lagi. However I have a feeling my mother will go…

…”But kakak, bathtub, pillow and mattress cover all you havent buy!”

That will be on another day? Heheh.