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oh my baby. 

Found this draft unpublished from 27 Oct 2015. I cant stop smiling now! 

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Today, I got a little exasperated with my sweet Khalisah. 

She woke up bright and early at 7.15am when her father’s alarm rang (and it didnt help that the alarm tone bunyi mcm some rifle from WWII please). We were able to play with her for a good 15 minutes before she started crying. Even after sending her father to the door to go to work, she was still sobbing.

So she was then fed. From 8.15am to 9.30am. Gave her a nice, warm bath before she cried again. Fed her again from 10am to 11.30am. She was asleep (or rather, she looked like she was asleep) so I sneaked away to take a shower, only to come out of the bathroom, seeing my sister carrying her around the house to calm her down. Khalisah cried even louder when she saw me and that made me kanchiong and somewhat disoriented. I even rummaged through her pile of clothings to look for MY clothes – that was how kanchiong I was.

Fed her again to calm her down from 12.30pm to 2pm. Again, she went to sleep after that. In the middle of having lunch, she cried again so I had to gobble up my food before attending to her. Distracted her for a little bit but was fruitless. She was still crying non-stop. So she was fed again from 3pm to 4.30pm. She didnt fall asleep after that so I bathed her. She cried again while I was putting on her clothes and all and my sister carried her while I had my shower. Khalisah fell asleep after that for a good 30 minutes before waking up at 6.30pm to cry again.

I got kind of annoyed (Astaghfirullahaladzim, Ya Allah forgive me), carried her and put her on the bed. I lay down beside her and fed her while she looked at me like this:

  

All she wanted was to have me by her side 😔

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roll (follow) up.

   

  

    

   

That very same night, we eventually brought her to KKH because my husband kept asking me things like, “What if got blood clot? Her skull is very tender kan?” Wahhhhhh cannot I very scared already. So at 10.45pm we reached KKH and hwaiting on although waiting time was 4 hours.

Sorry la first time parents la hahaha.

We were given a bed at the observation ward which was eventually used to place our bags and phone cos all Khalisah wanted to do was to be carried. She finally succumbed to her sleepy eyes about 2 hrs later and woke up 30 minutes later. 

Honestly speaking, that was my first time ever at a 24-hr children’s clinic and boy was I shocked. It wasnt a pretty sight to see babies and kids crying their eyes out and a waiting area full of parents and grandparents! Alhamdulillah, Khalisah wasnt affected by all that because if she had started crying as well, that would result in me following suit also.

The doctor then came to see Khalisah at 12.45am and she said that Khalisah was okay. She touched Khalisah’s head and said our baby’s skull had no abnormalities so x-ray wasnt needed since its radiation wasnt good for babies. However we had to monitor her closely to see if she showed signs of vomitting or refusal to wake up from sleep.

(May I add that the latter wasnt going to be a problem because Khalisah is having major sleep regression and it’s affecting my ability to function properly at work)

Doctor issued an MC for Khalisah because she said I looked like I needed a rest from work. *virtual hug that doctor* The next day I was on childcare leave (so early in the term but who cares I am entitled to that) and was glad to see that Khalisah was doing well. No red flags whatsoever so yay.

  
And Khalisah’s nenek (my mum!) decided that a fortress of pillows is essential to prevent her from rolling off the bed in the future 😂

 

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roll.

  
Khalisah rolled off the bed this morning. My 4-months old baby rolled off. There was a loud thud on the floor. I turned around to find my baby lying on the floor face up, wailing bloody murder.

If only I had taken that few seconds to turn around to check on her. If only I hadnt been busy getting ready to go to the market. If only I had placed her further towards the centre of the bed. 

I’ve never felt this bad and guilty over another person’s injury before.